Ow! (puns)

The annual Bullwer-Lytton contest winners were announced this year, and are available for your viewing…pleasure (?)
This contest was started 26 years ago by Scott Rice of San Jose State University to parody bad opening lines of novels. Bulwer-Lytton’s opening sentence to his 1830 novel was “It was a dark and stormy night.”
Some I liked:
He was [...]