Read on for more details of my personal DRAMAZ, if curious.
So, just thought I would stick my head back in and mention that my divorce was final today. I learned several important things during this process.
1. Do NOT choose your lawyer based on how UN-slimy they seem. Big mistake.
I should have chosen the lawyer who seemed likely to castrate puppies with his bare teeth and sell used clunkers to little old ladies in his spare time. Not the guy that was nice.
In addition to not being very effective, my lawyer FORGOT to tell me that the final court date was today. So I got a phone call about 2 hours before I was supposed to show up in front of the judge. And saw the final settlement for the first time at the courthouse.
2. If one is conflict averse, and one’s spouse is conflict averse, not talking about things does not really avoid conflict in the long term.
This seems blatantly obvious after the fact, but thought I would point it out to any other clueless schmucks like me.
3. If I had been smarter in the beginning, and asked more questions, things might have worked out better.
Or not, really–a lot of crap went wrong that was completely out of my control. I didn’t know menopause would make me nutso. Or that my dream job would be a nightmare with a sociopath employee that went on to terrorize us with animal parts and break-ins.
But a couple of really frank conversations about how we both managed money and what assets we had BEFORE we moved in together might have made a lot of problems more manageable later on.
4. There are no do-overs or an “undo” button IRL.
This about sums it up:
As those of you who read my Twitter stream (or who are my Facebook friends), I had a couple of major RL type things happen recently. It is also lovely outside, and I have major spring fever.
So, I’m going to take a little mental health break and hopefully come back and finally finish up all the 263 draft posts that I have saved, half-written.
I leave you all with this wonderful photo of a blue Tiger from Lon&Queta’s photostream. SHINY!
Some random thoughts:
1. I am currently hiring for a 6 month position, no benefits, no promise of any continued employment.
We got >45 applications, and about half are from laid-off teachers in Michigan.
2. I’m still working >60hrs/week with no end in sight. I love this job, but it’s killing me. Looking at a Federal Job in Maryland with APHIS. I think I’m probably crazy, but the prospect of a 40 hour week sounds pretty golden right now, even if I have to live in the city.
3. The apartment I’m living in right now actually has enough spiders to almost, kinda, sorta, creep me out. That should tell you something.
But…it could be worse. At least there are no wasps!
Hopefully things will slow down in September, and I can return then.
I thought it was interesting that as I am struggling with the issue of anonymity, Feministe was also discussing this issue. It seems like women especially come in for abuse online–something I’ve mentioned before. (And which several bits of research support.)
I think Merlin Mann was spot on when he said “email combines intimacy and distance in a way that sociopaths really seem to enjoy.” I’d extend that to all online communication–forums and blog comments especially.
Having said that…
I actually am missing blogging, and I think it’s obvious I can’t resist the temptation to occasionally come back and tell you about random things that strike my fancy. The plan to disconnect myself isn’t working too well.
“The frontal and temporal lobes, which govern speech—no dedicated writing center is hardwired in the brain—may also figure in. For example, lesions in Wernicke’s area, located in the left temporal lobe, result in excessive speech and loss of language comprehension. People with Wernicke’s aphasia speak in gibberish and often write constantly. In light of these traits, Flaherty speculates that some activity in this area could foster the urge to blog.”
Would anyone like to guess which parts of my brain were damaged when I had my head injury?
Of course, this got my attention because it helps me rationalize something I want to do anyway, that might not actualy be a good idea. The other problem with frontal lobe damage is impulsiveness…..
So I wrote ScienceBlogs and asked them if I could become a Sb’er. If you know anyone, please feel free to pull some strings.
I listed our house at FSBO.com last night, and today I’m looking in our local newspaper…and discovering that over 150 houses are in foreclosure in my county alone.
They aren’t kidding about Michigan being#2 in foreclosures nationally. Oh, and we also have the highest unemployment rate.
So, my Xmas project is frantically cleaning the house. I’m suspicious that it won’t really matter. But the 150 mile daily commute to my new job is really a drag, and I’d like to move closer if I can.
In other, happier news:
The full list of nominees for Open Lab 2007 is up, just in time for you to be antisocial and spend all Xmas reading great blog posts about science!
And, Rebecca of Skepchick‘s new public radio show is up and available for download! Skepticism on the radio!! If you like it, contact your local public station and ask them to pick it up. It will be airing in NYC and Seattle soon
Well, I’m back from the Entomology conference, and I’m now snug in my house, looking at the snow fall. (I also know for sure that I’m back in rural Michigan, because I can see my neighbor and his gun stomping around in the corn fields. 10 inches of snow doesn’t seem like ideal hunting weather to me, but what do I know?)
Every time I travel, I realize again that I am, in fact, very much a homebody:
“Noun. 1. homebody – a person who seldom goes anywhere; one not given to wandering or travel”
That’s me! I like seeing all my friends, and seeing some cool new research, but dang I am SO GLAD to be back at home. If my husband didn’t prod me to go outside and interact with people socially, I’d probably never leave.
They really need to hurry up with that Star Trek transporter technology. That would be perfect. Then I could travel–and return home immediately.
So, hopefully, I’ll be back on the job, back to writing more about what I learned at the meetings, and back to (slightly) more informative pieces. For now, though, I’m watching the snow fall, hoping my neighbor has hot coffee with him out there in his blind, and just staying in bed. Home.
There was a very interesting article today called “Professor Avatar” which discussed the ways in which our online personas mediate our interactions with our students and the world.
“academic avatars show a hunger to be seen and consumed by colleagues and students. ‘Look at me,” they say, “know me, this is me. I am interesting. I am accomplished. This is what I want you to know about me.’
I hadn’t really thought of adding all the bits of me online as avatars–both as bug_girl and IRL, but he’s absolutely right. After he discusses faculty home pages for a while, he goes on to say:
“For example, all those anonymous, stylized and sometimes unhinged academic bloggers may be termed Anonymous Avatars. They indulge in elaborate alternative lives full of flamboyant rants, public displays of sorrow and ultimately, solidarity and communion with the avatars that read, comfort and affirm them and their experiences.”
No Comment. Hmm.
“We make countless choices, conscious and otherwise, about what to reveal about ourselves and how to stylize ourselves. The end result is our avatar who speaks for us on the Web. We fundamentally change our relationship to our students, who become viewers and consumers of our avatars, and who may increasingly interact with us through avatars of their own…. “
What do you think–is he onto something, or just On something?