I had a very busy week, which is why I am so slack and not posting until today.
Wednesday afternoon I spent at a program for Claudia Osborn, author of Over my Head. She had a much worse injury than mine, and has lost much more as well–but she seems pretty resigned to the changes. Or, at least I thought so until I took my book up to be signed after her presentation (which was wonderful.) Then I think I made a total ass of myself. (Ok, I plead brain damage. But still….)
I told her how much her book meant to me when I first found it after my accident, and how it helped me to feel better. Then, I said my stupid thing. I said she seemed so wonderfully accepting of her new position, and I wanted to know how she reached that point. I’ve gotten to about 80 or 90% acceptance, but still have days where I really wish things were different.
She said that it was unrealistic to not mourn what was lost, and that she of course was very sad about what she had lost. (Which was when I realized I had really stuck my foot in it.)
She added that it was unreasonable to expect to reach a point where you completely stopped mourning someone who died; so why should we expect to stop mourning lost abilities? We don’t stop living our lives when there is a death; we go on as best we can.
That was a really wonderful and reasonable way to think about it. It sort of made everything
click and helped me get my head around it all. (And I felt like a heel for making her revisit the issue of lost abilities.)
Anyway, I am comforted by the knowledge that she probably won’t have any memory of the question, or me.
Today I’m supposed to be doing the maintenance on my website that I should have done…. in December. And you see just how much work I’m doing on that right now.