Dear Nintendo:

I want to have a little talk with you about the Wii.  Specifically, the Wii Fit.
It’s a cool little thing, don’t get me wrong. Not only am I able to have a quick workout and do some fun hula hooping, but there are lots of games that are highly entertaining at parties.

HOWEVER.

We need to discuss the way in which your device ruthlessly hounds me about weight gain from day to day. I’m subjected to an interrogation about minor fluctuations in my weight. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition in a video game.

Frankly, your choices on this screen are crap. And if I give an honest answer to your machine’s third degree, which is that I DON’T FUCKING KNOW why I gained 2 pounds in one day, I get a lecture from your stupid animatronic Wii Fit board.

I do not wish to be lectured about physiology by a bouncing white blob. In particular because said bouncing white blob does not seem to understand basic human biology.

It’s highly unlikely I ate 7000 calories in just one day, which is what it would take to actually gain 2 pounds of tissue.  You seem to be missing an obvious reason why a large segment of the population might experience significant weight fluctuations over time, despite doing everything “correctly” in terms of the reasons you list on this screen.

Maybe this is because there are no women on your development team. I don’t know, but I kind of suspect that’s the case.

I find it difficult to believe a female designer would have let a game ship with such an obvious camel toe on the woman yoga instructor.

But I digress.

Anyway, in the interests of improving the usability of the game, I’ve taken the liberty of fixing this particular screen. No need to thank me.

9 thoughts on “Dear Nintendo:

  1. I’ve often needed an option for “Haven’t pooed yet.” Any professional will tell you that the amount you gain or lose day to day is practically meaningless; it’s the average over time you want to look at.

  2. Or that you’ve had a very salty snack, and you’re retaining water. It’s silly, and if I could just put a little papal inquisition hat on the wii fit, it would at least be FUN to be interrogated about what, exactly, I did wrong.

    When I didn’t do anything wrong!

  3. Huh. Are there *any* of those choices that won’t prompt an animatronic lecture? Heck, just wearing long pants instead of shorts, and having a 16-oz glass of water before starting would send weight up almost 2 pounds (more if one also forgot to take off one’s shoes).

    For that matter, what’s the precision of the wiiboard as a scale, anyway? Our bathroom scale fluctuates a couple of pounds whenever it is moved even a couple of inches.

  4. They REALLY need a “do not EVER show me this screen AGAIN” option. It becomes unbearable. And then asks you about other people using Wii? Good lord. SHUT UP AND LET ME PLAY, already. =) In other words re: your post, Hear, hear!

  5. The female Yoga instructor has a camel toe? You’d think I, of all people, would have noticed that. I must be getting desensitized.

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