Bad Alien Theatre

Ah, Labor Day weekend. I was going to get so much work done, and have lots of posts drafted so that I could return to a regular publishing status here.

That didn’t happen, in part because my curiosity got the better of me and I wasted time reading a terrible book called “Bug Naked,” and then watching a truly Epic Bad Sci Fi movie, The Last Days of Planet EarthLeonard Pinth-Garnell would have been proud.

From a description:

You might have thought ABC’s V remake gave us the most cheese-tastic take on the “evil alien queen” trope — but you haven’t seen Daryl Hannah in The Last Days of Planet Earth. 

If you missed it, Last Days is a 2006 miniseries that aired on the Hallmark Channel…. Hannah plays Liz Quinlan, a former astronaut who is secretly the queen of the alien insect people, who’s planning to lay a ton of eggs and use humans as a food source, and as “jackets” to grow her eggs in.

Honestly, that doesn’t even begin to describe the level of WTFery in that film. One of the main characters is also a beautiful PhD graduate student in entomology, working as an exterminator to pay her way through graduate school.  Um.  No one seems to have told them that you get paid to go to grad school in entomology.

But at least the entomologist had the great idea to use smoke bombs to “calm the alien hive.”  And you get to see Hollywood’s conception of what happens inside the mind of a honey bee in a smoked hive.  Duuuuude. Trippin! The colors!

The plot is crazy implausible except for one part–how they acquire humans.  They’re using the DMV as a collection center, and kidnapping and implanting everyone who tries to renew a license or pay a parking ticket.  Yes. That part is quite believable.

You can watch the whole thing on YouTube, although it’s almost 3 hours long.  It isn’t until the last 20 minutes or so that you see the aliens’ true form–but the buildup to it is so peppered with dubious plot lines and dialog, it’s almost worth watching the whole thing. Almost.

Best line: “They’re just bugs. They put their humans on one leg at a time.”

8 thoughts on “Bad Alien Theatre

  1. I watched a couple of short clips from that movie. I don’t think I could bear seeing the whole thing! I have to say, though, that Darryl Hannah is a natural-born villainess. She has a truly evil smile. Did you ever see her amazing performance in Kill Bill 2?

  2. Have you seen “Locusts” with Lucy Lawless (aka Xena)? There are some great quotes in there. Definitely need a minimum of a six pack for viewing, plus as many bug nerds as you can round up.

  3. The above mentioned masterpiece has both CGI locusts as well as live action Lubbers. My favorite part is when she flashes her badge for the “USDA Division of Voracious Insects”. Of course she flashes some skin too, which is wonderful.

  4. Have you ever seen 1990’s “Meet the Applegates?” The last live action film I can recall where giant insects were ever protagonists? It makes the poor science almost utterly forgivable (including that the insects are modeled very accurately after mantids but referred to as “beetles” and are eusocial)

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