It’s time for another reveal of a naughty winner in the contest! I’m at the Entomological Society of America Meetings right now, so it’s time to wind things up.

As you may remember, the ESA is sponsoring a “clean” limerick contest. I take the position that the only good limerick is a bawdy limerick. That’s just how I roll.

Our first runner up will have to assume the duties of the winner, should he or she be unable to complete their term as Miss/Mr. Ribald Tales of Entomology.  What are those duties? Um. Probably best discussed offline, really.

Our 1st runner up is Elissa Malcohn, for a series of awesome limericks that were so good, I couldn’t just pick one.  Elissa is a bit of a ringer, as a professional writer, and you can tell!

The mayfly is singin’ no blue-blues.
He knows Nature’s makin’ no boo-boos.
His doubled-up penes
Are not extra weenies:
The love of his life has two hoo-hoos.

The queen bee grows fat on royal jelly
So she can grow eggs in her belly.
Her suitors she’ll goad
Till their testes explode.
What else could she do, without telly?

The red velvet mite is the warden
Of sperm that he sprays on his garden.
A lovelorn female
Tracks his long silky trail
And will sit on his sticks, if you pardon.

Drosophila, species bifurca
Can take a long distance to jerka.
His sperm runs two inches.
(Dear lord, how that pinches!)
To unzip, this fly goes berserka!

Hoist a tankard to our winner!  And look for the Grand Prize Winner tomorrow!

Posted by Gwen Pearson

Writer. Nerd. Insect Evangelist. Have you heard the good news? BUGS!


  1. These are hilarious. It’s hard to imagine your winner could do better.

  2. How does a queen bee get impregnated?…

    Virgin queens are ready to mate within days of emerging. They then have four weeks to find some suitors; after that period they are no longer able to mate. As long as the weather is warm enough (preferably above 20C and little cloud cover) the queen wi…

  3. Love em! Wish I’d written em…

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